Vasilios Theodorakis – An Online Author

Most people have annual days of reflection. Whether religious, cultural, sporting or personal these days allow individuals to take stock of their circumstances, reassure themselves that everything will be OK, take a deep breath and keep moving forward with life. People often come unstuck however, if they don’t stop to reflect at all or spend so much time reflecting they can’t get going again – getting stuck and not moving forward is something we’ll explore another day – i.e. the notion of depression.

For me, the important days of reflection can be quite disastrous, especially if I don’t plan and work towards them. My days of reflection are all anniversaries associated with PTSD events, occur throughout the year and are quite numerous. The 20th August is the biggest of these, as its the day I physically died in 1991.

2010 therefore marks 19 years since the medical profession, family and friends gave up on me walking out of one of Brisbane’s most decrepit hospitals – the old P.A. (pre-renovations). Needless to say, virtually all the people from that period of my life have now been excised. I’ve come to believe that people who give up on you, don’t deserve to be included in your life.

Due to a genetic condition, that was finally diagnosed in 2000, I’ve always been predisposed to excessive blood clotting. At that time, August 1991, I had developed so many clots in the left lung that the lung appeared as one giant clot on all the M.R.I.s and X-Rays. Though placed on IV anticoagulants, the expectation was that some of the clots would break away from the lung and travel to the heart or brain – at which point I would die.

Ironically, none of the clots ever did break away. Instead, my near death experience was brought on by the incompetence of a Queensland Health junior doctor. This gentleman caused a massive bleed in my throat, by shoving a tube down my oesophagus far too violently. The loss of blood caused my blood pressure to drop to nothing, my heart to stop and the resuscitation team to move into overdrive.

10 minutes after my body shut down, they succeeded in reviving me. The first thing I heard as I came to was an elderly and senior doctor reassuring me that I would be OK now (– I never did get to thank this man for saving my life). In addition to the resuscitation team, the main thing that drove me to stay alive was fear and anger. Fear and anger that if I died, the real reasons as to how I ended up alone and in hospital would never be told. If I died, family and friends – who had abandoned me – would conveniently make up stories that painted themselves in a good light while describing my misfortune as some random and freak event. The fact that their actions had directly left me homeless, forced me to live out of my car while suffering extreme Ulcerative Colitis and ignored my malnutrition brought on by internal haemorrhaging and a lack of food – well, none of that mattered, even though my living conditions were later identified as having greatly contributed to what brought on the clotting. In their hands, these facts would never have seen the light of day. Admittedly, I over did it when I was finally released from hospital – telling everyone and anyone who would listen, as to how the actions of certain people (whom I had trusted) had almost cost me my life.

Since the 20th August 1991, much of my existence has felt like a scene from the movie “Gandhi” i.e. I’ve run a passive resistance campaign against the advances of the Grim Reaper and any obstructions life could toss at me. Just like Gandhi’s documented process of burning racial passes in South Africa i.e. where participants were beaten by police but continued to crawl towards the fire and toss in their passes; I’ve continued to crawl forward, no matter how slow life became and no matter how many things obstructed life’s path. Beaten and bloodied – sometimes literally and sometimes metaphorically – movement forward was often so slow it was non-existent. If nothing else, the process did prove that standing one’s ground against both the visible and invisible forces of nature is possible.

My message then, on this anniversary of reflection – i.e. what I now call my life day – is this: We all have it within ourselves to keep going no matter how difficult the circumstances get. Stubbornness (and the will to live) appears to be our evolutionary advantage as a species and raises its glorious head on both a personal and communal level as long as we allow it. I should also add, occasionally asking God to intercede on our behalf doesn’t go astray either. ;)

Copyright © Vasilios Theodorakis 2010

I believe everyone has an interesting story to tell – even if some people’s stories are more interesting than others. ;) Though nominating my wife’s life and her stories night be viewed as somewhat biased, she does work with small children who often have provided her with amazing and humorous anecdotes.

As a gift, I’m therefore developing and designing a new blog for her, where she can share these and other thoughts. The blog will be located at www.verbakel.org and will be called Helen Verbakel – On Life, Love and Laughter. I’ll let readers know, once the site goes live.

Cheers – Vasilios Theodorakis – August 2010

The ability to story tell is fundamental to the human condition. In many ways it probably differentiated us from other hominids and allowed us to prevail in our ecological niche. This idea is hinted at in the human palaeontological record but there isn’t enough data to empirically prove it yet.

So with story, our sense of bonding was raised above and beyond that of preening, survival and reproduction. It allowed us to carry shared adventures and history across time and space. It firmly established the notion of culture around our early camp fires, and also let us know what others were thinking and feeling – i.e. it seeded empathy. Story did all this, in spite of the fact that our ancestors may have never met the people it described. It even allowed early humans to relate to people who had never existed. Of course, complex language was the precursor to story and without language (externalised thought), story would never have happened.

On a personal note, I find story and the places where story is told almost sacrosanct. For me, its forums are as hallowed as the life filled rainforest or the life giving liturgy. This perception has been with me for years and I often feel that something has been defiled, a sacred place desecrated, when developers shut down and demolish theatres and cinemas. This is something we are especially good at in the greater city of Brisbane – which now has no theatres left in the CBD!

In addition to this, as I’m descended from a long line of story tellers, I’ve been indoctrinated with its basic structure from a very young age. i.e. That story has to have a beginning, middle and end – otherwise what’s the point! Many supposed story tellers don’t understand these basics. i.e. in movies for example, some directors like to leave out crucial parts, like endings! What really upsets me about this approach is that my wife and I often hand over our hard earned cash to these film makers who don’t understand their own craft. Take “Inception” for instance which has the ultimate “artsy” non-ending! What sort of smart alec is this director Christopher Nolan who chose to finish the movie in this way? If we wanted to not have an ending to a story, we would tell each other such nonsensical tales for free! If someone pays you to tell a story, you have a moral obligation to do just that, otherwise give the patron back their money and stop masquerading as a modern day bard!

Despite the people who don’t understand the sanctity of story and story structure, there are many more story tellers who do. For those of us who cannot live without the telling of tales (each and every day of our lives), I am eternally grateful that the Christopher Nolans of the world are still the exception not the rule.

Copyright © Vasilios Theodorakis 2010

Unless one has travelled or is aware that their ancestors were also displaced by war, poverty or persecution – it’s hard to imagine that the rest of the world doesn’t live as we do. i.e. that most of the world’s people aren’t immersed in a safe, stable and resource rich context.

Even the poorest of the poor (leaving aside our indigenous brothers and sisters who’ve had to live in 3rd world conditions since Europeans arrived), in the worst suburbs of our cities, live better than your average person elsewhere in the world.

The pitiful federal election campaign that’s occurring, and the petty policies both parties are running, has yet again highlighted how ignorant Australians are in regards to how good life already is in this country!

Copyright © Vasilios Theodorakis 2010

In Orthodox Christian Theology, icons are not merely religious works of art. They are very literally windows to another time and/or place – its not hard to see why as a child I hoped my bedroom window would also take me to other places. (Please see last week’s post on – “Window To The Visible World”.)

The mysticism of iconography describes how the icon is simply a barrier that separates us from the person that resides in the invisible world (the world at the end of time), a previous moment in time or a place that may no longer exist.

If you accept this premise, observing people kissing icons starts to make sense. The people on the other side of the icon’s surface are literally there with the people greeting them – just like a living person would be. And just like the living, those in the icon can be greeted with a kiss – all that separates us is the pane of glass or the surface of the image. Just like all that separates us from the invisible world is death.

This notion however, is almost impossible to grasp by the Western mind which can’t cope with things existing outside of time and space. It also doesn’t help that Western thought no longer includes the invisible world in its interpretation of reality.

Copyright © Vasilios Theodorakis 2010

As a child I used to dream of being able to look through my bedroom window and seeing what ever I could imagine appearing on the other side of the glass – a person, a scene, another world. As an adult, I can now ask my computing devises just about anything and up will pop a digital window which will display what ever I hoped to see. Not quite as romantic as what I imagined as a child but it does give me access to information, sounds, pictures and moving pictures almost instantly and all in the palm of my hand. The dream of the naive child has almost become the reality of the adult.

And to think, that as a child and adolescent, I would take a thousand questions to bed with me, each and every day. Questions that no one and nothing could answer and which are now resolved within a matter of seconds – minutes at most! For example: How old is the musician I just listened to? Where was that actor born? Is a company independent or owned by a multinational? How many bees in a beehive? What does a red gum look like? And does anyone know what happens after death?

I don’t know if this ability to see, hear or answer things instantly is a good or bad thing for our youth. I do know however, that I sleep easier now – not haunted by questions I haven’t been able to answer or by facts I haven’t been able to access. :)

Copyright © Vasilios Theodorakis 2010

Politics is the art of targeting the lowest common denominator. If that denominator proves to be an immoral or unethical “stance on an issue” then societies go backwards and become indictments of themselves.

Just take the current political discussions on asylum seekers. During the course of a week, the Labour Party and its new leader – someone that most people had come to believe was a moral individual – decided to take the line of absolving the country’s extremists and racists. These politicians publicly proclaimed that the “average” Australian – whatever that might be – were not “bad people” despite their heartless attitudes towards displaced individuals and the atrocious treatment of non-Anglo Australians!

Shame on you PM – any semblance of hope people like me had in people like you was instantly dashed! All of us will be voting “Green” from now on!

How will this country ever be guided and encouraged to become the nation it can be, when the only thing politicians care about is appealing to the worst of society – and doing so, just to get re-elected!

Unfortunately, as a country we have a long way to go in order to become a global role model – especially with the ongoing suspension of the Racial Discrimination Act. Then again, it probably doesn’t matter – by the time we get our act together, nationalism will have become obsolete anyway!

Copyright © Vasilios Theodorakis 2010

This piece was written on the 1st February 2010, but was never uploaded to the blog due to all our time going into dealing with our psychotic neighbour. Now that we’re finally back on track and that I’m able to upload regular postings, I thought it might be relevant again.

In 2007 this blog was started as a vehicle to spotlight the back log of poems, commentaries, short stories, etc,. that I’ve worked on since 1983. Despite a series of serious derailments I have managed to get a number of commentaries online as well as 88 poems in the last 3 years.

Its time to review the road map for the blog and identify what has worked and what hasn’t worked. Commentaries and poems – yes; short stories and novel material – no; audio versions of poems (when I’ve had the time) – yes; audio versions of everything else – no; links to favourite authors and websites – yes; commentaries and track-backs (pings) – no – spam has been a major issue throughout the life of the blog.

I think the format I’ve settled on, of at least one posting a week is well worth sticking with – it’s realistic and works, whether it’s a new commentary or a site update linking to an edited version of an old poem. I believe short stories and novel material will have to be left for print or ebook versions but I do think donations, poem sponsorship and major patrons will work with the material being uploaded. I hope to have the financial aspects of the blog up and running during the course of this year. Tied in with this, is my hope that the first anthology will go to print (via sponsorship and donations) during the 2010/2011 financial year.

What I do need to do is streamline the focus of the site and lose the grandeous idea of hugh numbers of categories such as: cartoons,childhood pieces,drawings and designs, scripts and songs. This should also make it easier for sponsors to pick clear pieces that link back to their own sites and tighten up the blog’s focus.

There are still many years worth of poems to upload, but a conservative aim of completing one anthology every 12 to 18 months is looking realistic. Once online, each anthology will be opened up to sponsorship and in turn the creation of a print version.

All things going well, the hope is to also offer print versions of short story anthologies and the novel I’ve been working on – sold via this blog.

As always, I’ll keep you posted.

Cheers – Vasilios Theodorakis – July 2010

If it hasn’t already become apparent, my politics have always been left wing and green. If you know anything about the Theodorakis clan, this shouldn’t be much of a surprise. In fact, what would be a surprise is if one grew up as anything other than left wing within a Theodorakis household. Social justice is part of Theodorakis dinner table conversations from infancy. This also explains why going into social work early in life seemed so natural for me.

As a left winger then, I’ve felt very disillusioned with Australian federal politics for some time now. I’ve inadvertently continued to vote for Labour though this led to a PM who was a little too right wing and non-Westminster/Federalist for my liking. Now I find, that even if I could put up with his right wing nonsense, I couldn’t put up with him ignoring our Westminster protocols of consultation. His executive approach to government left many people like me wondering how, in good conscience we would continue to vote for the Labour Party. My guess is most of us wouldn’t and many of us were getting ready to vote for the Greens.

If you compare democratic systems, the Westminster/Federalist approach we have in Australia is still the most stable and constructive form of government in the world. Anyone who tries to move too far away from its current approach does so at the constituent’s and nation’s peril. People have yet to invent a better and more stable form of government.

So yesterday my faith was restored, when the Westminster system won out over an individual’s ambitions. I therefore look forward to once again being able to vote for the Labour Party and wish the new PM all the best in her battles ahead. May she not only lead us well, but may she also protect the institution which has placed her on the pedestal on which she now sits.

Our political system is what makes this country so special, stable and safe. Thank goodness for the Federation’s robustness and the ability to replace leaders who do not perform.

As an aside, you can guarantee the hobbled parliamentary system in Queensland is the real reason why Queensland continues to suffer such ongoing corruption, even under the current Labour government. Take away the Upper House in a Westminster system and you take away fundamental checks and balances!

Copyright © Vasilios Theodorakis 2010

There are many temporally challenged people in the world. People who sit back and wait for help to show up in the form of money, strangers, friends, family, God, love or politics. People who’ve made themselves overly dependent on others, and people just like you and me who wait and wait – then wait some more – hoping that others might solve their problems!

Unfortunately, in using this approach, life can pass you by and leave you wondering what in the world happened to a big chunk of your time. The problem of course is that self advancement doesn’t come in the form of a package, a pill or a person – it is a process initiated by oneself, carried out by oneself and fulfilled by oneself.

In my experience, genuine movement forward often emerges out of tragedy, desperation and finally, an understanding that only the self can help the self. We are ultimately alone in the world as no one can walk in the shoes that we already occupy. Those of us who learn this, usually get ahead, and those who don’t usually fall by the wayside.

Like many others, my greatest error in judgement (as a young man) was waiting for external help that never arrived. Needless to say, I was shocked when no one approached me and offered to address the issues that had buried me in a temporal ditch. Neither friends nor family tried to alleviate the problems that had developed – and why should they? The ditch I was in was my own and all those close to me had their own issues. To be given absolution without being able to systematically deconstruct, identify and address each aspect of a burden, does not lead to growth and personal evolution – it leads to a stunted existence. You have to remove as many obstacles obstructing your path, as is possible, before life can progress again.

In my case, once the core burdens had been removed, the things that did came to fruition, happened because I made them happen. This is a difficult truth to swallow, especially for someone who grew up thinking he could depend on others. I wish I could offer examples of how life might function differently, but I can’t, and unless you lead a particularly charmed existence, you will always have to do things for yourself. Either that, or you’ll have to accept that most things you’d like to accomplish, just won’t happen.

So – as the lads I grew up with used to say – “Get over yourself and get on with it!” You might just find, trying rather than hoping, accomplishes more than you could’ve ever imagined!

Dedication (For my whinging Gen Y brothers and sisters.)
Copyright © Vasilios Theodorakis 2010