Vasilios Theodorakis – An Online Author

theodorakis.org is a digital repository of all my written work (in text and podcast formats)…

July 17, 2017

Time After Time…

Filed under: Culture And Society,General — Vasilios Theodorakis @ 2:12 pm

“If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting, time after time.”

In 1984, this line from Cindy Lauper’s song – “Time After Time” had a huge impact on me. So much so, that my life ran like a video loop of a dancing fool, who climbs onto life’s stage then throws himself backwards into a mosh pit, hoping the audience will catch and lower him safely to the ground. Instead, the crowd steps aside and let’s him fall, no matter how many times he makes that leap of faith. The fool, continues to do this most of his life, never learning that people rarely step forward to help in times of need. (Interestingly, I do have people who step forward these days and do help, but that’s another story, for another time. ;) )

For five years, from 1979 to 1983, I was fortunate/unfortunate enough to have teachers who nurtured the idea that people should encourage and support each other in fulfilling each other’s dreams. I did this for everyone around me, and genuinely thought everyone would do the same for me. What I didn’t understand, was how unique my situation was in my high school years. For that brief period of time, I had people who I looked up to, who did everything they could to help me reach my goals and who ensured I rose to their levels of expectation.

In my naivety, it never dawned on me that I lived with parents who had no interest in supporting and encouraging their own children to fulfil their own dreams. Like most of my species’ offspring, I was hardwired to believe that your parents would do you no harm, and I did not have the wherewithal to get out of that context or insight to understand that some parents, like mine, paid the notion of support lip service. They only supported their children publicly, if it made the parents look good. The reality of our situation, was that as soon as the house doors were closed the degradation, humiliation and abuse began. Such parents were never going to follow through and standby their children or do whatever it took to help them fulfil their dreams. Both parents were only interested in how their children could serve them. They had no idea, that one of the key duties of being a parent, is to do what ever it takes to ensure your children have a better life than you did. In their minds, the child was a means to ensure their self centred existence was the best it could be. In fact, I recall an extended session of verbal abuse, where my father repeatedly yelled “…Who do you think you are? Aiming to get a higher education and have a better life than me!”. At best, my life was to be like his life – menial, mundane and mindless. What he required in order to feel good about himself, was to appear “better than everyone else”, including his own children. Anything that allowed the children to look better than the parents had to be sabotaged, and so my sister’s future and my future was trashed before it ever began. Neither of us was aware of this at the time.

With this as my context, I didn’t realise that I had accomplished my academic excellence all by myself, having done so, in less than favourable conditions. With only the encouragement and support of my high school teachers, and working twice as hard as my fellow students (in order to counteract the daily assaults on self esteem), I “burnt out” long before the end of 1984 – my senior year of high school.

In spite of my school having one of the lowest ASAT test scores in Queensland, I managed to graduate in the top 1.5% of all students in that year. What happened next inevitably set me on the “road to nowhere”. Over the years, I’ve rerun my experience countless times, but no matter how often I replay the events, the outcome is always the same as the variables impacting on my life couldn’t be altered.

By 1985 a whole series of things were working against me. One – that I began my first year of uni, enrolled in one of the hardest courses on offer (a bachelor of science in the honours stream of the maths/physics faculty) while physically, emotionally and mentally burnt out. Two – that I had no support or encouragement from my tertiary academic environment. The high school teachers who saw my potential, and did everything in their power to encourage its development, weren’t there to prop me up any more. And three – I didn’t understand nor did I believe that the support and encouragement to fulfil my dreams, had never come from my home environment – i.e. my parents. It had only ever come from the good will of strangers – i.e. my high school teachers.

Back in the mid 1980s, lecturers and tutors at my university did not have the time or the inclination to personally encourage or support students to reach their goals. You were on your own and if you didn’t understand that, that was too bad. The only academic that tried to help, was an ageing German Pure Mathematics professor who encouraged me to “factor in life”, as “life’s unexpected events” could derail the best of students. This scholar, was an insightful man who realised I was struggling, and tried his best to warn me about the storms ahead. Sadly, I was too blinkered at the time and ignored his advice.

The naivety and stubbornness of my younger self, ensured, that I refused to accept how people didn’t wish for and didn’t do whatever it took to encourage the fulfilment of another human being’s potential. This social ignorance led to my undoing. What child ever imagines, that their parents will not only cease to support the fulfilment of their children’s dreams, but pro actively discourage those dreams from happening. Add to this cauldron, the extreme violence and abuse perpetrated by a father who had frontal lobe brain damage, and a mother with a narcissistic personality disorder, and you have a scenario that could only ever end the same way – the destruction of children trapped in such an environment.

But here I am today, still alive thanks to the many kindnesses of strangers whose paths I’ve crossed in the last 34 years. These personal traumas and tragedies were played out on life’s stage a very long time ago. Such a long time ago, that the only people who truly remember what happened are the abusers, who’ve gone on to lead quite comfortable lives, and the abused, whose lives were destroyed by a violent cognitively limited father and a psychiatrically self centred mother. Those who do remember and still have to deal with the fall out of 1985-1992 include myself, my sister and the people closest to us who’ve had to witness first hand, how no one ever recovers from trauma, they just learn how to manage it. Both of us suffer from shattered trust, caused by the very people who were supposed to fulfil a duty of care and follow through on an obligation to nurture. No one should have to carry such a burden around their whole lives, but many people do.

It is therefore a credit to both my sister and myself that we continue “to be there” for others, in spite of us not having healthy role models. It is also a small miracle, that we have not replicated the dysfunction of our parents in our own lives.

April 18, 2016

Personal Salvation

Filed under: Culture And Society,General,Religion And Theology — Vasilios Theodorakis @ 9:09 am

Most people can’t be saved from themselves. Their lives are intertwined, and seldom separated from mechanisms of personal destruction. Whether those mechanisms are generated by the environment and their experiences, generated by genetics and inherited, or passed on by a previous generation that didn’t take the time to excise them – whatever the source of the problem, people rarely develop the insight or find the courage to face their demons and save themselves. Natural cowardice and/or self preservation of the ego, prevents most individuals from accepting the challenge created by taking a good hard look at themselves in the mirror.

The source of these demons is less important than finding the courage to deal with them. And the absence of courage, is the reason why many avoid the task altogether, or, try to get someone or something else to do the work for them. It’s not surprising then, that theological and religious notions of salvation often boil down to this – in terms of personal evolution, it is up to the individual to save themselves from their own demons, irrespective of the source of those demons.

If every human being took the time to address their own issues, not only would they save themselves, but collectively, they would save society. Sadly, this is not the case. People project the need for salvation onto others rather than themselves – i.e. if I save this person, I too will be saved. It is far easier to focus on another’s problems, than to acknowledge and work on one’s own shortcomings. Or, and this happens far too often, people hand over responsibility for personal salvation to a deity, rather than accepting and doing the hard work required to clear out the skeletons in their own closet.

For those, who do do the hard work – I salute you, but realise, you are the exception not the norm!

February 26, 2016

Three Years One Month

Filed under: Culture And Society,General — Vasilios Theodorakis @ 3:46 pm

Is he dead?
– Almost. Does turning 49 mean I’ve got one foot in the grave?

Where did he go?
– I had to finish clearing away the sins of the father, and the mother!

Is he done?
– As much as is humanly possible, and as much as anyone is able to address the demons inflicted upon oneself, by the previous generation. So yes, I’m done!

Where to from here?
– Those close to me, know that I’ve been working on publicly releasing my poetry anthologies, as well as, the first volume of my science fiction trilogy. More on these releases in the coming weeks.

And this blog?
– As before, it will continue to be a vehicle for my creative writing.

So…
– If you are one of the few people who have waited out the three years one month of silence, I thank you for your patience, and hope the material that starts appearing on the blog makes up for the wait.
– If on the other hand, you are new to this blog – I bid you a warm welcome.

V.

January 26, 2013

Invasion Day – The 225 Year War Continues.

Filed under: Culture And Society,General,Indigenous — Vasilios Theodorakis @ 5:00 pm

Each year on “Australia Day”, my wife and I visit the location of local Aboriginal midden grounds and pay our respects to the original people who lived on the land that we now live on. In 2009 I wrote the following piece for us to read each and every year until this country acknowledges and begins to respect its Aboriginal people and its Aboriginal past. Health permitting I intend to keep reading this out loud under the figs, next to the mangroves (in the park) every 26th of January, or at least until a more appropriate date for Australia Day is chosen.

“Paying Our Respects – 26th January 2013″

Today we remember our Indigenous brothers and sisters who have been murdered, beaten, raped, diseased, displaced, ignored and forgotten for 225 years.

We remember that they met here peacefully on this midden mound whose name we no longer know.

We remember that here they rested, discussed and resolved problems that the different clans of Quandamooka (Moreton Bay) encountered for thousands of years.

We remember that we are standing on land which they believed could not be owned by any one person but only looked after by the clan / their people – i.e. entrusted in guardianship for all time.

We remember that people belonged to the land but that the land did not belong to all people.

We remember that as a many Nationed peoples, they were invaded and the land was never lawfully settled by the non-Indigenous peoples, as no treaties were ever signed with the original inhabitants, as no attempts were made to protect the original languages and culture, and that the original people’s presence was never acknowledged in any meaningful way.

Today we remember that choosing this day as the national day of the country is an insult to the surviving Indigenous Australians and disrespects the Indigenous people who died and suffered over the last 225 years. We look forward to a time when this county’s national day is inclusive of all Australians, when its flag represents all Australians and its Head Of State is answerable only to Australians.

Yet again we had the whole park to ourselves as we read this out loud and reflected on the day. None of the current locals care to remember that the park is the burial ground of the Indigenous people’s sea shell middens.

Regards – Vasilios Theodorakis – January 2013

January 26, 2012

Invasion Day – The 224 Year War Continues.

Filed under: Culture And Society,Indigenous — Vasilios Theodorakis @ 6:00 pm

Each year on “Australia Day”, my wife and I visit the location of local Aboriginal midden grounds and pay our respects to the original people who lived on the land that we now live on. In 2009 I wrote the following piece for us to read each and every year until this country acknowledges and begins to respect its Aboriginal people and its Aboriginal past. Health permitting I intend to keep reading this out loud under the figs, next to the mangroves (in the park) every 26th of January, or at least until a more appropriate date for Australia Day is chosen.

“Paying Our Respects – 26th January 2012″

Today we remember our Indigenous brothers and sisters who have been murdered, beaten, raped, diseased, displaced, ignored and forgotten for 224 years.

We remember that they met here peacefully on this midden mound whose name we no longer know.

We remember that here they rested, discussed and resolved problems that the different clans of Quandamooka (Moreton Bay) encountered for thousands of years.

We remember that we are standing on land which they believed could not be owned by any one person but only looked after by the clan / their people – i.e. entrusted in guardianship for all time.

We remember that people belonged to the land but that the land did not belong to all people.

We remember that as a many Nationed peoples, they were invaded, and, that the land was never lawfully settled by the non-Indigenous peoples as no treaties were ever signed with the original inhabitants, as no attempts were made to protect the original languages and culture, and that the original people’s presence was never acknowledged in any meaningful way.

Today we remember that choosing this day as the national day of the country is an insult to the surviving Indigenous Australians and disrespects the Indigenous people who died and suffered over the last 224 years. We look forward to a time when this county’s national day is inclusive of all Australians, when its flag represents all Australians and its Head Of State is answerable only to Australians.

Yet again we had the whole park to ourselves as we read this out loud and reflected on the day. None of the current locals care to remember that the park is the burial ground of the Indigenous people’s sea shell middens.

Regards – Vasilios Theodorakis – January 2012

December 1, 2011

Dark Forces and Time?

Filed under: Religion And Theology — Vasilios Theodorakis @ 10:45 am

Let’s put aside disbelief in the spiritual realm for the purposes of this post, and let’s imagine for a moment, a world where the dark forces had no sway on the universe in which we live – let the mind run with that idea for a few minutes. What would reality look like?

No inflicting of pain or suffering on others? Maybe. No death and dying? Possibly. No temptation to sever our communion with the Source – God? Definitely.

Now add to this metaphysical equation that “time” is not a natural facet of how the universe was constructed (i.e. in the beginning there was no time) and is in fact a symptom of moving away from the Source. Then finally, and because of the overwhelming negativity of time (death and decay), let’s assume that it and the dark forces are intimately connected – i.e. time is an extension of their activity in and on the universe.

If you happen to agree with this train of thought, what does it all mean? For starters, we’re stuck with the parasitic nature of the dark forces because we are trapped in time and inadvertently exist in the same realm as they do. That our struggle against them will continue until we exit time and/or the universe unravels and re-ravels itself (is transfigured) and time removed from the equation. And, that the best any of us can do, is maintain the struggle for order while trying to do the “right thing” by all living beings. In the end, this is, and will always be our greatest weapon against the bodiless (incorporeal) entities that target the weak minded, and try to use us as both instruments of mayhem, and sources of God’s uncreated energies.

Copyright © Vasilios Theodorakis 2011

May 27, 2011

Graphical User Interfaces

Filed under: General,Science And Technology — Vasilios Theodorakis @ 8:45 am

Dear Apple and Microsoft,

Please bring back GUIs – Graphical User Interfaces that make sense. Mac OS 7.1 or Mac OS 7.6 did just fine, even Windows 3.1 made some sense in regards to applications, files and folders. Our current (operating systems) OSs make no sense at all in relation to real world analogies. Its no wonder people get lost in the latest Mac OS X and Windows 7 menus. So many friends and relatives over the age of 75 have just given up in regards to digital technology, and those who haven’t, are constantly on the phone in need of OS support. ;)

Cheers – Vasilios Theodorakis – May 2011

January 26, 2011

Invasion Day – The 223 Year War Continues.

Filed under: Culture And Society,Indigenous — Vasilios Theodorakis @ 6:15 pm

Each year on “Australia Day”, my wife and I visit the location of local Aboriginal midden grounds and pay our respects to the original people who lived on the land that we now live on. In 2009 I wrote the following piece for us to read each and every year until this country acknowledges and begins to respect its Aboriginal people and its Aboriginal past. Health permitting I intend to keep reading this out loud under the figs, next to the mangroves (in the park) every 26th of January, or at least until a more appropriate date for Australia Day is chosen.

“Paying Our Respects – 26th January 2011″

Today we remember our Indigenous brothers and sisters who have been murdered, beaten, raped, diseased, displaced, ignored and forgotten for 223 years.

We remember that they met here peacefully on this midden mound whose name we no longer know.

We remember that here they rested, discussed and resolved problems that the different clans of Quandamooka (Moreton Bay) encountered for thousands of years.

We remember that we are standing on land which they believed could not be owned by any one person but only looked after by the clan / their people – i.e. entrusted in guardianship for all time.

We remember that people belonged to the land but that the land did not belong to all people.

We remember that as a many Nationed peoples, they were invaded and that the land was never lawfully settled by the non-Indigenous peoples, as no treaties were ever signed with the original inhabitants, as no attempts were made to protect the original languages and culture, and that the original people’s presence was never acknowledged in any meaningful way.

Today we remember that choosing this day as the national day of the country is an insult to the surviving Indigenous Australians and disrespects the Indigenous people who died and suffered over the last 223 years. We look forward to a time when this county’s national day is inclusive of all Australians, when its flag represents all Australians and its Head Of State is answerable only to Australians.

Yet again we had the whole park to ourselves as we read this out loud and reflected on the day. None of the locals care to remember that the park is the burial ground of the indigenous people’s shell middens.

Cheers – Vasilios Theodorakis – January 2011

November 19, 2010

The Deserving

Filed under: Culture And Society — Vasilios Theodorakis @ 6:20 pm

The most irritating and disturbing thing I hear coming out of people’s mouths in Australia is – “I’ve worked hard and I deserve all the rewards I’ve received!”

It flabbergasts me – it’s just dumb luck that these people were born into a well resourced and rich country. They could just as easily have been born in a country where ten people live in a single room dwelling with dirt floors. Do 70% of the earth’s human population deserve that sort of lifestyle? And were an individual from that earthen floor dwelling to work “really” hard, they would still only be able to build an earthen floored dwelling!

None of us “deserve” anything! There is no rhyme or reason as to where we’re born on the planet. It just happens that some of us have access to amazing opportunities but there is no justification for that good fortune!

Copyright © Vasilios Theodorakis 2010

November 18, 2010

Working With Death

Filed under: Culture And Society — Vasilios Theodorakis @ 11:01 pm

During the course of my own ill health, I’ve met both young and old patients who’ve been handed a death sentence by our medical oracles. As might be expected, I’ve found both age groups embrace or reject the inevitable and live their remaining time accordingly. What’s stood out however is that young children, if given the chance, are much better at dealing with death than adults.

During the last 20 years, I’ve had the good fortune of knowing a few of the “accepting” young and their families. In those instances, parents provided the space for the rapid evolution of their child, who invariably died with a level of wisdom and insight far beyond their years.

I’ve also known families, who tried to hide what was happening from their terminally ill child – an approach which really didn’t help. The child almost always died in a state of fear, indirectly fostered by the parent’s own denial.

Then there’s adults, and sadly I’ve known more adults that greet the reaper in a state of denial than acceptance. From what I’ve seen, children, if allowed, accept their reality much better than “grown ups”. For example, the last gentleman that my wife and I farewelled, continued to believe he “could not die”, right up until his last days.

We have truly messed up as a society, to allow death to be so perfectly removed from reality that even when we’re dying, we can’t be honest with ourselves. Then again, I don’t suppose you’d think your life could come to an end, if you drove around in flashy cars, lived in McMansions and had enough disposable income to replace all your furniture every 2 or 3 years!

Copyright © Vasilios Theodorakis 2010

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